Joy!

It seems during the Christmas season, we see and hear the word "JOY" a bit more than usual.  "Joy" is all over Christmas cards, Christmas decorations (you know the letters J-O-Y that sit over the mantel as stocking hangers), and Christmas songs ("Joy to the world the Lord is come," "Oh, tidings of comfort and joy," "Now ye hear of endless bliss; Joy! Joy! Jesus Christ was born for this!", etc.).  I've been thinking lots about this word "joy" recently...actually, I've been thinking more about my lack of it.  Yesterday, I spent the majority of my day (more than usual, I guess) in a rocking chair holding and nursing my fussy, squirmy son.  Hosea has been getting over a cold and working on a poop and has been even more needy than usual these past few days.  By the end of the day, Hosea had only slept for two or three chunks of 10 minutes and I was spent from all the TRYING to put him to sleep.  Just when I would nurse him fully to sleep, stand up, burp him, and lay him in his crib, he would open his eyes and make it known that he did not want to be sleeping anymore.  Around 9:30 PM, Jed and I bathed him, changed him, and put on his PJ's.  I took him in to rock him to sleep and give him one last feeding.  As I sat in the chair, I sang Christmas carols to him.  As I sang these "joy"-filled songs, I began to think about how "un-joyful" I felt and feel sorry for myself.  I hadn't been out of the house all day, I never showered, I smelt of sour milk from the multiple times Hosea had barfed on me that day, I was wearing sweatpants (normally comfy, now made me feel yucky), my boobs hurt, I hadn't accomplished very much (laundry, cleaning, exercising, etc.), and I hadn't intentionally spent time with the Lord...alone or with Jed.
When I finally got Hosea to sleep, I had a little breakdown in my husband's arms.  He lovingly pointed out my self-pity and comforted me.  We had a sweet prayer time together on the bathroom floor.  As I went to sleep, I was reminded of a devotional from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  I remember him saying that joy is not conditional upon circumstances, happiness is.  This morning, I looked back to find the devotional I had remembered.  It is from August 31st, entitled, "My Joy...Your Joy."  I will include the text below.

"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:11
What was the joy that Jesus had? Joy should not be confused with happiness.  In fact, it is an insult to Jesus Christ to use the word "happiness" in connection with Him. The joy of Jesus was His absolute self-surrender and self-sacrifice to His Father - the joy of doing that which the Father sent Him to do - "...who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross..." (Hebrews 12:2) "I delight to do Your will, O my God." (Psalm 40:8) Jesus prayed that our joy might continue fulfilling itself until it becomes the same joy as His. Have I allowed Jesus Christ to introduce His joy to me?
Living a full and overflowing life does not rest in bodily health, in circumstances, nor even in seeing God's work succeed, but in the perfect understanding of God, and in the same fellowship and oneness with Him that Jesus Himself enjoyed. But the first thing that will hinder this joy is the subtle irritability caused by giving too much thought to our circumstances.  Jesus said, "...the cares of this world,...choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful" (Mark 4:19).  And before we even realize what has happened, we are caught up in our cares.  All that God has done for us is the merely threshold- He wants us to come to the place where we will be His witnesses and proclaim who Jesus is.
Have the right relationship with God, finding your joy there, and out of you "will flow rivers of living water" (John 7:38). Be a fountain through which Jesus can pour his "living water."  Stop being hypocritical and proud, aware only of yourself, and live "your life...hidden with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:3). A person who has the right relationship with God lives a life as natural as breathing wherever he/she goes.  The lives that have been the greatest blessing to you are the lives of those people who themselves were unaware of having been a blessing.

This was an upper-cut to my heart!  Written in my own words...having a JOY-filled life is not dependent on whether my boobs hurt, whether my son takes a nap, whether or not I've had devotions, "but in the perfect understanding of God, and in the same fellowship and oneness with Him that Jesus Himself enjoyed."  God, forgive me...thinking about my circumstances has definetly made me irritable.  Forgive me for taking my eyes off You and for not surrendering each care and concern to You.  I desire a relationship with You that is as natural as breathing.  May I find my joy, this season and always, in my relationship with YOU. 

Hosea has recently found happiness in peek-a-boo. He is "unaware of having been a blessing" to his mom and dad.  Lord, thank you for our son!